You Know You're Having a Bad Day When...

• Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels motorcyclists.
• You've been at work 3 hours before you notice that your fly is open.
• Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
• Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
• You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
• You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.
• Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.
• Your income tax refund check bounces.
• It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.
• The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
• You wake up and your braces are stuck together.
• Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
• You put both contacts in the same eye.
• Your mother approves of the girl you are dating.
• Your doctor tells you that you're allergic to chocolate.
• You have to borrow from your Visa card to pay your Mastercard.
• Nothing you own is actually paid for.
• Everyone loves your driver's licence picture.
• The health inspector condemns your office coffee maker.
• You invite the peeping Tom in ... and he says no.
• The Gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money.
• People think that you're 40 and you're only 35.
• You call your wife and tell her that you'd like to eat out tonight and when you get home, your find a sandwich on the front porch.
• You start to put on the clothes that you wore home from the party last night.
  ...and there aren't any!